wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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