i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
