you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
