I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
