mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
