I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
