Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
