You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
