He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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