I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's the barista slut.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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