I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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