The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
