i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
