is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
