I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
