Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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