the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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