last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
