i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my poor anus
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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