drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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