i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
