about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
