how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
