Pappa wants mamma naked
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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