my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
