walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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