I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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