I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
