Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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