i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
