I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you would pick up someone in the library
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
