So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
