Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I supernannyed him into submission
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
