a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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