Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
