One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
