bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
