what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
