suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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