she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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