i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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