Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
