Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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