another moral hangover. fuck.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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