Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
