But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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