I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
