I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
