My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
40s are totally the cure
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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