Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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