Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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