I love black thongs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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