my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
