I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
